The Stages of Grief. I read that people who lose their hearing grieve this loss. I believe there is some truth to that; however, I have never stopped to reflect until now.
1. Shock and Denial. Oh, yes, I was shocked when the doctor handed me a brochure titled "How To Communicate With The Hearing Impaired" and told me to take it home so my family could learn to communicate with me. He told me that he could not guarantee that I would have my hearing in eight years (that was eleven years ago, by the way). Yes, I was shocked. My first thought was "How can I do my job if I cannot hear?" As for denial, I never went through this stage, most likely because my condition is genetic. The proof was there. My grandfather had been hard of hearing. My father and many of his siblings have hearing loss. Cousins my age and older are also traveling this path.
2. Anger. I skipped this stage. I simply chose to not waste energy being angry about something that I can't control.
3. Depression and Detachment. When I was young, I didn't understand why my father didn't always wear his hearing aids. Now I get it. Our hearing loss is mostly in the register where speech occurs. However, we can pick up other sounds. When you lose hearing gradually and then get hearing aids, your senses get overloaded. You hear a LOT of noise. You just cannot understand it all. Restaurants provide unique challenges. I hear cutlery and dishes clattering, but cannot understand conversation. I no longer go to lunch every Friday with the girls from work. It's easier to withdraw than to struggle to participate in chit chat. So I definitely understand detachment and can see that continued withdrawal could lead to depression. Oh, but there are more stages so don't get stuck on this one.
4. Dialogue and Bargaining. The only bargaining I've done has been with our music director at church. I told him that I would sing in the choir if he promised to never allow me to be the loud woman singing off-key. I simply would not wish to distract others from worship. As for dialogue, I'm definitely there. I'm transparent about my hearing loss. To fake it is to deceive others. Nodding my head while not understanding isn't honest. So yes, dialogue is important. For communication to occur, others must know how to communicate with me. My team knows that if I don't respond when they approach me, it's OK to touch my shoulder to get my attention. I have encountered people who, if they noticed that I was speech reading (aka lip reading), covered their mouths with their hands. When I explained that I'm hearing impaired and was reading their lips, they were not only supportive but very relieved to know that they didn't have spinach in their teeth. Finally, I've started this blog to share my experiences. Dialogue? Absolutely!
5. Acceptance. Remember the Serenity Prayer? "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference." This is the stage when you look at your options and create a plan of action. As a wise woman once said "you can whine or do something about it." I choose to do something about it. I have a friend, J, who is the most outgoing, warm, loving, funny, courageous lady I know. Oh, yeah, she cannot see. Blindness does not define her. She has done things that I, a sighted person, would never attempt. She lives life to the fullest. Being hearing impaired is just a part of me. I am so much more. God has a plan for me.
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
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